Everyday Mindfulness

Do me a favor and imagine someone meditating. I bet I can describe where your mind immediately went. It’s likely a thin woman in a perfect lotus position, eyes closed, makeup perfectly done, hair is just wild and wavy enough to be described as “beachy”, but not messy. She’s sitting on a beach, it’s a gorgeous sunset, the lighting is just right. I have photos of myself like this (even on this website), I’ve taken photos of countless other people like this, and the internet is packed with this imagery. It’s horribly inaccurate though. I think it’s better to think of images like these as what it FEELS like to be deep in meditation, not what it looks like to be deep in meditation.

I talk with people almost daily who tell me they struggle with meditation no matter how much they try. They’ll tell me they don’t have time to meditate, can’t completely clear their minds, or get too distracted too quickly. However, the trouble with meditation for someone just getting started may not be that you just aren’t the meditation type, perhaps it’s just that we have the wrong perception of what mindfulness and meditation look like.

Think for a moment about going for a long drive. 99% of the drive is familiar to you, so you zone out. You have conversations in your mind, belt out your favorite songs, or just daydream. You’re still driving, but there are other things going on in your mind that have nothing to do with driving, basically you’re on autopilot. But then you get to that one part of your drive that you’re not familiar with, and it’s in a very busy city with lots of unpredictable turns. So at this part, you turn down the music, ask the kids to kindly stop arguing, and you focus intently on getting to your destination. Mindfulness meditation is about learning to turn down the music and focus intently on the entire drive, not just the parts that are new and challenging for you.

Your practice of sitting down for some quiet time is not about clearing your mind of all thoughts, your mind is never going to stop thinking. It’s a practice of continually bringing yourself back to some focus point. The work in mindfulness meditation isn’t in having a clear mind, the work happens every time you become aware that you’ve lost focus, and bringing yourself back. In our car ride analogy, the work is turning down the music and focusing on the road even though you’re comfortable and familiar with the drive. Once we turn down the music and focus, we get to notice all the details happening all around us that we may have never even noticed before. The best part?! Those are all the little details of life that we miss out on all the time because we’re always on autopilot.

OK! So now we know that it’s not about clearing our minds, and it is about bringing focus back to something. In a seated meditation, your focus might be the breath, a mantra or visualization. But maybe that still feels too difficult and that’s ok! Maybe you don’t have time to sit in meditation and that’s ok. Once you understand that mindfulness is simply about being aware of the things around you, everything becomes an opportunity for practice. So where do you start? Start slow bringing some attention to activities in your day to day life that you normally just plow through on autopilot. Here are a few places you can get started.

Eating: Most of our meals are shoveled into our mouths with very little thought or consideration. A great place to start with mindfulness is to start with eating meals and snacks.

• Before you ever dig into your meal, stop and really take everything in. What does it look like? How does it smell?
• When you pick it up, how does it feel in your hands?
• Take small bites, and put down your utensils between bites so you can focus on the bite you have before you start to shovel the next bite in. Notice the urge to get more food on your fork before you finish your current bite
• Take a moment before you even chew the bite in your mouth to really notice the food. What does it feel like? How hot or cold is it? What does it taste like?
• Grab the biggest bag of your favorite snack. Pour only a little bit into a bowl, eat this snack very slowly. Take only one piece, place it in your mouth and wait before you start chewing. Once you’re finished the bowl, don’t go and mindlessly eat the rest. <—This is the most difficult for me when it comes to delicious irresistible popcorn!

Walking: when we walk somewhere that we’ve been many times before we go into autopilot. Try walking with more attention to see what you notice.

• Try walking somewhere that you’ve never walked before which will require more attention to stay on the right path
• When you’re walking somewhere familiar, see if you can notice things around you that you didn’t before. Maybe you focus on how many different types of trees you notice, or the sounds of the birds as you walk.
• Walk slow enough so that you can really feel your foot leave the ground and then lift back up
• Apply this same mindful attitude no matter where you’re walking. Parking lots, grocery stores, big office buildings and waiting in lines all become opportunities to be mindful.

Communicating: when you’re in conversation with another person, how much time do you spend thinking of the next thing you’re going to say instead of focusing on what they’re saying?

• Fully focus on what the other person is saying without thinking about your next talking point
• Make eye contact and be fully present to what the person is saying
• Nod without interrupting
• Only speak on exhale allowing you to slow down what you say so that you’re not just spewing out words at rapid pace

Try each of these on for a few days and see how it feels to approach these everyday activities with higher levels of attention and mindfulness.